Love. A genuine, pure form is hard to come by when its overshadowed by a world engrossed in itself… and instead becomes disguised in a veil of liberal, pretentious motives. Its the whole playing “hard to get” I don’t get. If we all want it and we all have the ability to express it… why is it so hard BE that kind of love?
Some may say I’m scarred… to some extent, I may still be peeling scabs from my parents’ divorce during turbulent teenage years. I had to keep my head screwed on straight whilst seeking identity within my family as a son and brother, grandson and nephew… with friends, and the pressures of pleasing my family’s wishes in excelling in society. Yet I found my place, of all places, in service to God in Catholic youth ministry which would only soon become clouded with a relationship that further shattered my trust in people and led me to question if it was ever possible for a relationship to last when people can give in to temptation so easily. And I think it was around this time I unconsciously decided - relationships could never last. I continued with years of service in ministry, though frail and heartless at times, but light began to break on a Love I only hoped to witness with my family and friends. And as cheesy as it sounds, the only relationship that outlasted the test of my limited patience and understanding was my relationship with God.
I know that whole sappy “scab” story was grandiose, but we all have a story like that, especially my Christian friends out there, we have a story where we can definitively say… “God. is. worth. it.” and from that point on, He’s all we desire to cling to. I don’t really know why this post came outta me… I think it’s cause I’ve been going through some really rough patches in my relationships with my Dad, Mom, brothers, family, girlfriend, and friends right now. It feels like some sort of a relapse to the issues of my teenage years. For those of you who really know me, I don’t like using the phrase “I’m only human” as an excuse or justification for our shortcomings but I’m starting to think that when you’ve done ALL you can to resist falling short of God’s will and way… “I’m only human” can only suffice. And I think it’s such a beautiful thing.. To be able to face God and say “I’ve failed, Lord… I REALLY failed” and have Him still Love you the same, knowing full well you’ll still fall short in the future. I think it’s only then can we come and truly be humbled by the grace of God and the example He’s set for us to BE loving - to be able to overlook the ways other people have failed our own expectations and just forgive them because Love is enough. So though I feel judged by people who don’t what it’s like to be in my shoes right now…
We’re only human.
It’s not an excuse but a blessing of ability to become a loving example like Jesus on the Cross. I struggle. We struggle. But in Communion, Love is possible. I intend to use everyday as a fresh start, and with Your help Lord, a reminder to be the Light You are to the world.
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
